One of the biggest realizations I had in my recovery from far worse mental illness, was how the constant "Iwanttodieiwanttodieiwanttodieiwanttodie" intrusive thoughts didn't... actually mean I wanted to die. Just because I was habitually thinking about suicide did not mean I actually want to end my life.
I did not want to never experience the taste of maple syrup again. I did not want to be never hugged again. I did not truly want everything to end that life includes.
I wanted this to end, whatever it was I was going through in that moment, I wanted that to end. I wanted the hard times to end. I wanted the exhaustion to end. But I did not want life itself to end, only this life or rather the way life is right now or even just this moment.
"Die" was the wrong verb. It was not what I wanted. The word I was looking for was quit. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up on the challenges I was dealing with. I wanted leave the situation I was in; but I still wanted to go someplace else.
And what we talked about in therapy is like, no, I shouldn't kill myself, that's not a solution to my problems. But quitting? I can do that. That's actually something I am allowed to safely do. Go someplace else? Absolutely doable. In fact, "ending this life" and "going to a better life" was literally what therapy was about, "building a life worth living." I actually do have the power to change things in my life and try to make my life better. Not absolutely everything, but I can at least do something.
So the pro mental health strat I learned was when I start to hear those "i want to die" intrusive thoughts, the ones I know I don't really mean, the ones that never fully went away.
I just correct them, I think over them what I really mean. "I want to leave I want to leave I want to go home I want to rest I want to sleep I want to leave I want to quit I want to stop I want to leave I want to quit I want to give up I want to quit I want to quit."
It drowns out the false suicidal thoughts and brings clarity to my situations. It helps me identify better solutions. When I'm thinking "I want to die I want to die" all I can see is methods of suicide which would only make my problems worse.
When I'm thinking "I want to quit I want to go home I want to rest I want to leave" it redirects my attention to what I can do. I can intentionally slack off at work. I can focus on the end of my work day. I can look for a new job. I can talk to my union about improving work conditions.
When my mental health is at its worst, when I'm the most burnt out, and the "I want to die" thoughts are the loudest, I find something in my life that I've committed to, something I've been trying really hard at... and I quit. I give up on it. Even for just a moment. I eat/drink something I know will make me sick. I ignore an important email. I drop out of a community volunteering position. I break a promise. I cancel plans. I let go of something and let myself stumble and fail at something.
And that gives me such immense relief from the intrusive thoughts. It does so much more for me than any self-harming or suicide attempt has ever done for me. Because I didn't really want to hurt myself and I didn't really want to die. I just wanted to give up on something. I wanted to quit. I wanted to rest. I was overwhelmed with responsibilities and I wanted to have fewer of them. It has worked so well for me.
Often, even just recognizing my feelings for what they truly are, even makes them easier to manage without having to resort to quitting something at all.